270 Hilarious Dad Jokes That’ll Have YouLaughing and Facepalming

Did you know that the phrase “dad joke” was officially included in the Merriam-Webster dictionary in 2019? The fathers in our lives have been honing their skill at delivering cringe-inducing puns.

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Before then, however, now that we’ve turned the page to 2025, it’s crucial to continue focusing on this.
hilarious jokes
We’ve compiled a collection featuring numerous dad-tested jokes that he will enjoy incorporating into his repertoire, regardless of whether he’s searching for new content.
jokes for kids
or
clean jokes
He can sense it at the office.

The nicest part about dad jokes is their universally acceptable wit, which fits pretty much everywhere (feel free to leave your
dark humor jokes
At the entrance), and although we can’t assure a chuckle, we can ensure nobody will feel upset. If you’re also a fan of dad jokes, share your favorite puns or one-liners in the comments section!

All-New Fatherly Puns for 2025

I realized my girlfriend felt I was encroaching on her privacy when she expressed her thoughts in her journal.
Why did the electric vehicle sense discrimination? Because the regulations were outdated.
I’m quite the skilled navigator; even a self-driving vehicle once requested directions from me.
Why do melons tie the knot? Because they can’t elope.
What did the bison tell his son as he was leaving the ranch? Bi-son.
Be careful with your words around the egg whites. They won’t tolerate a joke.
I excel at repairs; my mantra is, “Even if something is broken, I will fix it.”
Where did the pumpkins hold their meeting? In the gourd room.
What’s the greatest method for saving your dad jokes? In a dadda-database.
I received a new pen that works underwater. It also functions perfectly fine for writing in regular conditions.
My boss mentioned, “Dress for the position you aspire to, not for the one you currently hold.” Thus, I showed up dressed as Batman.
I visited the aquarium over the weekend, yet I left quite soon. That place seems suspicious somehow.
What do you call a sheep that can sing and dance? Lady Ba Ba.
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Philippe Flip-Flops.
Why can’t dinosaurs clap their hands? Because they’re long gone.
I provided my handyman with a checklist of tasks, yet he only completed items 1, 3, and 5. It seems he specializes in doing odd-numbered jobs.
Why should you never choose sides during a debate at the dining table? Here’s the twist: it’s actually the ideal moment to pick sides since everyone’s focus is elsewhere. Don’t forget your Tupperware.
Who emerged victorious in the necklace decoration competition? It ended in a draw.
Where do rainbows go when they’ve misbehaved? They’re sent to a prism, giving them time to contemplate their actions.
Dogs cannot run MRI machines. However, cats can do scans.
What do mermaids use to clean their fins? Tide.
What did the frying pan consume on its special day? It feasted on pancake.
Why wasn’t the produce manager able to get to his job? He was capable of driving, but he left the avocados behind.
I attended a silent auction where I secured a dog whistle along with two mimes.
Why does my wallet remind me of an onion? Each time I check it, tears come to my eyes.
What do you call a dog that practices meditation? An aware wolf.
What type of fish do penguins catch during nighttime? They catch starfish.
Which veggie masters the martial arts scene? Broc-lee.
Could a frog leap higher than a house? Certainly not, as houses do not have the ability to jump.
I planned to go for an entirely almond-based diet, but that idea is just crazy.

Reader Favorite Dad Jokes

I once entered 10 puns into a joke contest. I was confident that among so many, at least one would surely win. Unfortunately, not even one out of those 10 made the cut.
Why did the elderly gentleman tumble into the well? His vision wasn’t very sharp.
I attempted to craft a jest about ghosts but failed. It was rich with spirit yet lacked substance.
Dad: Can you tell me what distinguishes a piano from a tuna and a pot of glue?

Me: I don’t know.

Dad: You might be able to put a tuna in a piano, but you can’t play a tune using a tuna.

What should we do with the jar of glue?

Father: I expected you would be captivated by that.
Two windmills stood atop a hill. One asked the other, “Is there a particular tune you prefer?” The second one responded, “Well… throughout my existence, I’ve always been quite fond of heavy metal music.”
Today at the bank, an elderly woman requested my help to check her account balance… So I tripped her accidentally.
I received an A on my origami homework after presenting my folded paper to my instructor.
How many stormtroopers does it take to replace a light bulb? None, since they’re all on the dark side.
If your home feels chilly, simply go to the corner. It’s consistently around 90 degrees over there.
Hello, I’m Cliff. Feel free to stop by anytime.
Did you hear about the man who visited the doctor because of a severe headache? Upon examining his ear, the doctor discovered some cash inside. He continued to pull and extract bills until he had removed $1,999. At this point, the doctor remarked, “That’s why you’re still short by one thousand dollars!”
Dad says when he shifts the car into reverse, “This brings back memories.”
What do you refer to the security guards at Samsung as? They’re called the Galaxy Protectors.
I tried to make a joke about retiring, but it didn’t succeed.
The other day, I purchased a thesaurus, only to find upon returning home and opening it that all the pages were empty. There’s not a single term to express my fury.
The proprietor of the tuxedo shop continually lingered around as I was looking through the options, so I requested some space. In response, he remarked, “Alright, make your own choice then.”
Why did the egg take a break? Because it was Fryday.
Has anyone ever mentioned the abduction that happened at school? Don’t worry, he eventually regained consciousness.
I discovered a book titled

How to Resolve Half of Your Issues

So I bought 2.
Why did the coffee have an earthy flavor? Because it was freshly grounded mere moments ago.
Why did the Rolling Stones cease producing music? They reached the bottom of the hill.
What is the finest gift? Cracked drums! They’re unbeatable.
I wrote a song about tortillas before, but now it’s more of a wrap.
Did you hear corduroy pillows are trendy? They’re causing quite a stir.
What does an inquisitive pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.
Did you catch wind of the fragile myth? It got shattered.
Which term becomes briefer when you add two letters? The answer is short.
What do you call a criminal who lands an airplane? Condescending.
I spent the entire night pondering where the sun had disappeared to, and suddenly it hit me.
Why do Greeks dislike rising early? Because Dawn is harsh on Greece.

Fresh Dad Jokes

To create holy water, you essentially boil the essence of hell out of it.
True justice is like a meal savored when cooled; otherwise, it’s merely water.
Why shouldn’t you toss your grandfather’s false teeth towards a moving car? You could end up damaging the vehicle.
Why aren’t Christmas trees good at knitting? Because they constantly shed their needles.
What did the lunch box tell the fridge? You only dislike me because I’m slightly more chilled.
How do you throw a space party? You planet.
Why wasn’t the tree able to use his computer? Because he couldn’t log on.
What’s a skeleton’s preferred kind of street? A dead end.
What did the grape say when it was squashed? Nothing, just a little wine.
What did the extraterrestrial tell the gardener? Show me your weed remover.
I aspire to be a writer as I mature.

Father: “Why not go left instead?”
How many apples grow on an apple tree? Each one of them.
What did Elvis tell his gardener? Thanks for the mulch!
Why couldn’t the lifeguard rescue the hippie? The hippie was too far out!
What did the mommy broom tell the little broom? It’s time to head off for sweeping.
The other day, I found myself under attack from several circus clowns in a parking lot. However, I emerged victorious because I immediately targeted the one who was juggling.
I want to give a shoutout to Sidewalks for keeping me off the streets.
Why did the computer visit the doctor? Because it had a virus.
How many ears does Captain Kirk possess? Three. He has his left ear, his right ear, and the famous third ear at the forefront.
Did you hear about the renowned pickle? He’s quite a significant figure.
I headed over to Amazon intending to purchase a lighter, but instead, I found 3,472 matches available.
To create a highway within an art studio, what is required? A mile marker.
How does Vin Diesel stay connected with his contacts?

Fast and Furious

team? During a Zoom meeting.
What has four wheels and soars through the air? A garbage truck.
What is the price of a chimney? It costs nothing; it’s included in the house.
Why do only certain couples hit the gym? Because not all relationships endure.
You don’t require a parachute for your first skydive, but you’ll need one for the second.
How can you turn 7 into an even number? Remove the S.
Why is sausage considered unhealthy? It tends to bring out the worst in people.
What do they call a faulty clock? Simply a waste of time.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want another piece of cake? It turned out he was already full.
What do astronauts like to play most when they’re not busy? It’s Moon-opoly.
How is Budweiser made? Send him to school.
What is Santa’s preferred place to drop by? It’s Idaho Ho Ho Ho.
Have you noticed those roundabouts or circled them while driving? In my opinion, they serve no purpose.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl use the restroom? It’s because the ‘P’ is silent.

Top Animal Puns for Dads

What’s a dog’s favorite superhero? Labradorite-Man.
I was walking down the beach when I heard a swimmer yelling for help with a shark circling him. I just laughed….I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
What do you call a rabbit that has fleas? Bugs Bunny!
When a chicken looks at a salad, what do you say? The chicken spots some greens.
What do you call a cow without legs? Ground beef!
You’re riding a horse at top speed. A giraffe is running alongside you, and a lion is chasing right behind you. What should you do? Get off the carousel.
I own a horse called Mayo, and Mayo whinnies.
To which family does the zebra belong? It’s hard to tell; none of the families in our area have a zebra.
What is the most adorable animal in the ocean? It’s a cuddlefish.
What do you refer to as an elephant inside a telephone booth? Stuck.
A gentleman entered an establishment with a parrot perched on his shoulder. The server asked, “Can this creature speak?” To which the parrot answered, “I have no idea.”
What do you get if you mix a parrot with a caterpillar? You get a tiny walkie-talkie.
Why did the chicken traverse the playground? To reach the opposite slide.
What do you call a deer without eyes? No eye deer.
What do you call a fish without eyes? Fshhhh
A pony enters a loud bar and attempts to order a drink. The bartender replies, “I can’t make out what you’re saying! Speak louder!” The pony responds, “Apologies! I’m a bit of a nag!”
Why did the chicken traverse the street? To demonstrate to the opossum that it was possible.
Why aren’t dogs permitted in bars? Because they can’t manage their drinker!

Top Daddy Jokes Related to Athletics

Why was the baseball player let go? He ran around three bases and decided to walk back home instead of running.
Why do fish avoid playing basketball? Because they fear getting trapped in the net.
Why do dads carry an additional pair of socks when they play golf?” “Just in case they score a hole in one!
What do sprinters consume before a competition?” “They don’t eat anything; they fast!
My father shared a joke about boxing with me. It seems I didn’t catch the punchline.
I’m not into soccer because I love the game. I only do it for fun!
When basketball players require a new uniform, where do they head? To New Jersey.
Why don’t football players wear glasses? It’s a contact sport.
What’s the top animal in soccer? A scorelion.
What’s the difference between a quarterback and an infant? One receives a snap, the other just naps.
I was once hooked on basketball, but I bounced back.
Why aren’t pigs good at soccer? Because they tend to monopolize the ball.
Why isn’t it advisable to play tennis in the jungle? There are too many cheetahs.
What does a sports enthusiast share with an irritated fowl? A tendency for harsh language.
Why wasn’t the baby successful at scoring in basketball? He kept on dribbling.

Best Corny Dad Jokes

I’m worried about the calendar. It has only a limited number of days left.
My spouse suggested I try lunges to maintain my fitness level. It would certainly be progress.
Showering while singing is enjoyable until soap ends up in your mouth. That’s when it turns into a real soap opera.
What does a tick and the Eiffel Tower share in common?” “They are both landmarks in Paris.
What do you refer to as a fish with a bowtie?” “Elegantly sophisticated.
How do you track Will Smith through the snow?” “You follow the newly made tracks.
If rain in April yields blooms in May, then what do those May blossoms yield?” “Pilgrims.
I believed the dryer was making my clothes shrink. It turns out the culprit was actually the refrigerator.
What impact does having dry skin have on your performance at work?” “You lack the energy to tackle it.

What do you refer to as a factory producing acceptable goods?” “A satisfactory.
Hey Math, time to mature and figure out your own issues.
What did the janitor say after leaping from the closet?” ” Supplies!
Did you hear about the chocolate record player? It really hits all the right notes.
What did the sea tell the shore?” “It didn’t say anything; it simply waved.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?” “Because if they flew over the bay, we’d refer to them as bagels instead.
I am familiar with 25 letters of the alphabet. The letter ‘y’ is not among them.
What method does the moon use for his haircut?” “He gets an eclipse trim.
What did one wall tell the other?” “Let’s meet at the corner.
“What did the zero say to the eight?” “That belt looks good on you.”
“A skeleton walks into a bar and says, ‘Hey, bartender. I’ll have one beer and a mop.'”
Where do fruits go on vacation?” “They pear-is!
I inquired of my dog about the result of two minus two, and he remained silent.
What did Little Corn tell Momma Corn?” “Where’s Papa Corn?
What’s the finest feature of Switzerland?” “I’m not sure, but the flag certainly counts as a major advantage.
Where did you acquire the skills to create a banana split?” “Sundae academy.
What contains more letters than the alphabet?” “The post office!
Hey Dad, did you get your hair trimmed?” “Nope, they removed them all!
What do you refer to a penniless Santa?” “St. Nick-less.
When I was buying alcohol at a liquor store, my Blockbuster membership card slipped out unintentionally. The cashier let me off with just a warning.
Where do boats go when they feel unwell?” “To the boat doctor.
I don’t have faith in those trees; they appear rather dubious.
My wife is quite upset about my lack of directional skills. So I gathered my things and left immediately!
How can you make a squirrel enjoy your company? Behave like a nut.
Why don’t eggs share jokes? They would split their shells laughing at each other.
I have no faith in staircases; they’re constantly plotting something.
What do you refer to someone who has neither a body nor a nose as? Not a soul knows.
Have you heard the gossip about butter? Well, I’m not going to pass it along!
Why wasn’t the bicycle able to stand upright on its own? It was too exhausted.
What did one hat tell the other?” “Stay put! I’m heading out first.
Why was Billy let go from his job at the banana factory? He continued discarding the curved bananas.

“Dad, can you put my shoes on?” “No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.”
Why wouldn’t a nose measure 12 inches? Because if it did, it would actually be a foot.
What does a lemon say when it picks up the phone?” “Yellow!
This cemetery appears overpopulated. People must be eager to join this place.
What type of vehicle would an egg operate?” “An eggo-wagen.
Honey, could you take the cat outside?” “I wasn’t aware it was on fire.
How do tacos express gratitude?” “Let’s pray.
At what time did the gentleman visit the dentist? His tooth was causing pain.
“Why wasn’t the skeleton able to scale the mountain?” “He lacked the courage.”
What do you refer to as when a snowman has a fit?” “A meltdown.
How many tickles does it take to amuse an octopus? It takes ten tickles.
I’ve got a chemistry joke, but I doubt it will trigger a response.
What concert costs only 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
What tool does a bee use for grooming its hair?” “A honeycomb!
How can you make a tissue move to music? Just add a bit of boogie to it.
Why was the mathematics textbook looking so gloomy? Because of all its issues!
What do you refer to cheese that doesn’t belong to you as? Nacho cheese.
What type of footwear do ninjas prefer? Sneakers!
How does a penguin construct its home? It glues igloos together.
How did Harry Potter descend the hill?” “By walking. Just kidding! JK Rowling.

Best One-Liner Dad Jokes

I was once hooked on soap, but I’ve been cleansed now.
Picture this: A man strolls into a bar… only to be eliminated from the limbo competition.
Think swimming with sharks is pricey? It cost me an arm and a leg to do so.
When two vegans have a disagreement, do we still call it a beef?
I placed an order for a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I will share my thoughts later.
Want to put up some boxes for your leftover food?” “No thanks, but I’ll fight you for them instead.
That car appears attractive, but the muffler seems worn out.
A big shout-out to my fingers. They’re all I need for counting.

Is a child who refuses to take a nap being resistant to resting?
Which city is expanding at the quickest rate globally?” “Dublin, Ireland. It grows every day.
I used to have a dream where I was drifting in an ocean of orange soda. It turned out to be more like a Fanta sea.
A cheeseburger strolls into a bar. The bartender responds, ‘We don’t serve meals at this establishment.’
I was let go from a canned juice company before. It seems I lacked concentration.
“I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.”
Ever attempted to capture some fog? I gave it a try yesterday but ended up with just mist instead.
I have a seafood diet. Whenever I see food, I can’t help but eat it.
Why did the scarecrow receive an accolade? Because he excelled in his area of work.
I created a pencil featuring two erasers. It turned out to be useless.
“How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!”
I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. I can’t seem to stop turning the pages!
Heard about the fellow who came up with the knock-knock joke? He was awarded the ‘no-bell’ prize for it.

I have an excellent construction-related joke, but I haven’t finished building it yet.
I previously disliked beards… but eventually I got accustomed to them.
I opted to sell my vacuum cleaner—it wasn’t being used at all!
Years ago, I got a neck brace, and I haven’t regretted it since.
You know, folks claim they choose to pick their noses, but I reckon mine just came along for the ride when I was born.
What is brown and stuck? A stick.
Why can’t you hear a psychologist use the restroom? Because the ‘P’ is quiet.
What do you refer to as an elephant that isn’t important? A non-elephant.
What does a spoiled cow produce? Sour milk.
I enjoy sharing dad jokes. Occasionally, he finds them amusing!
What’s the most fragrant bug?” “A deodor-ant.
I was once a personal trainer. Later, I handed in my resignation because I felt inadequate.
Have I shared with you the story of when I fell for someone while doing a backflip? It felt like I was completely upside down!
Is a child who refuses to sleep during naptime considered as being resistant to resting?
I placed an order for a chicken and an egg online. I’ll update you later.
Having the courage to become an organ donor is essential.
If witnessing a crime at an Apple Store makes you an iWitness, would you consider yourself one?
I’m such an expert at sleeping; I could manage it even with my eyes shut!
I was planning to share a time-traveling joke, but you all weren’t into it.

Best Dad Joke Puns

What did the veterinarian tell the cat?” “How are you feeling?
What do you refer to as a sluggish baby kangaroo?” “As a pouch potato!
What occurs when M&M’s can’t come to a consensus?” “They achieve an M-accord.
What do you refer to as an imitation pasta?” “A faux-pasta.
What do you refer to as a belt crafted from watches? It’s called a waste of time.
What occurs when a strawberry crosses the road and gets squished?” “Traffic jam.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?” “Prime mates.
What do you refer to as a pony with a raspy voice?” “A small bit hoarse.
Where do math teachers go on vacation?” “Times Square.
Every time I attempt to stick to a healthy diet, a chocolate bar stares at me with a Snickers twist.
What happens to garlic when it heats up?” “It sheds its cloves.
What’s a robot’s preferred treat?” “Computer chips.
What is the price for Santa to park his sleigh?” “It’s free; it’s provided by the house.
Mountains aren’t merely amusing; they are elevated regions known as hills.

What do clouds put on?” “Thunderwear.
Why do we consider piggy banks so smart?” “Because they are full of everyday sense.
Why does Peter Pan perpetually fly?” “He simply nevertouches the ground.
How can you secure a good deal on a sled? ” “You should consider a toboggan instead.
How do you identify a dogwood tree?” “Look at its bark.
I once disliked beards, but eventually I changed my mind about them.
“It’s inappropriate to make a ‘dad joke’ if you’re not a dad. It’s a faux pa.”
What do you refer to as a hotdog moving around?” “Fast food!
Where do young trees attend classes?” “They go to Elementree School.
Heard about the circus fire? It happened in the tents.
Can February March? No, but April May!” can be rephrased as “Is it possible for February to march? No, but April might!
How do lawyers bid farewell? We’ll be suing ya!
Want to hear a joke about paper? Forget it—it tears easily.
What’s the optimal method to view a fly fishing competition? Through a live stream.
Spring has arrived! I was so thrilled I watered my plants excessively.
I could share a joke about pizza, but it might be a bit too cheesy.

Never rely on atoms; they compose everything!
At what point does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it becomes obvious.
I would not purchase anything that uses Velcro; it’s completely overpriced.
What does an astronaut like most about computers? The space bar.
Why do elevator jokes remain so popular and enjoyable? They function effectively on multiple layers.
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they utilize a honeycomb.
Rhode Island is the state with the most streets.
What did the coffee tell the police? It was mugged.
What does a fish say when it crashes into a barrier? Ouch.
Is this pool safe for diving? The deep end is where it goes.
If witnessing a crime occur at the Apple Store happens, how would you describe yourself?” “As an iWitness.